Because I'm not.
I didn't measure anything, sorry about that.
1 large white onion, diced
2 carrots, diced
4 cloves garlic, peeled & minced
6-8 mushrooms, sliced
Dried green lentils
Salt & pepper
Rinse your lentils.
Pour some olive oil (maybe 2-3 Tbsp) into a casserole dish or dutch oven. Put on medium heat and add the onion and carrot. Let that sweat for 3-4 minutes. Add the garlic and mushrooms (and a bit more oil if needed). Stir in chili, paprika, salt, and pepper (1-2 tsp of each) and give it 2-3 minutes.
Pour a layer of lentils over your veggies so you have a roughly equal lentil to veggie ratio. Cover everything in water or vegetable stock, allowing for an inch or two of liquid above the lentil & veggie mix. Add 3 bay leaves. Stir gently to mix. Bring to a boil.
Reduce the heat to low, cover, and let the lentils simmer for 20-25 minutes. Stir once or twice to ensure you have sufficient liquid and nothing is sticking to the bottom of your dish. When done, you should still have maybe an inch of liquid at the bottom of the dish and the lentils will crush easily when bitten. Season to taste (for me, that means more salt). Portion out and add a small squeeze of lemon.